- I raised five children during the 90s, and of course, the world has changed a lot since that time.
- My kids had no cell phones and we didn’t worry about massive school shooting.
- However, I think I have some tips to share now that my children are raising teenagers.
Our older nephew will start high school during the fall, and I have always assumed that my advice on adolescent growth would be useful to his parents, at least somewhat. After all, I raised five children; Surely, my difficulty wisdom would still be important.
But to say “times have changed” since my teenage parents’ years would be a great underestimation. The pace of change since the mid -90s has been stunning.
However, I think I have some knowledge to share.
So much has changed
When my children were teenagers, it was pre-9/11, and the blockbuster was still one thing. Facebook would not be invented for another nine years. To communicate online, my children used AOL Instant Messenger and on our family computer, with dial-up access. They had to make sure that no one at home was on the phone to talk to their friends.
Meeting their friends in the mall on Friday evening was a big deal for my new teens. These togethers were dependent on parents’ abandons and taking, and without cell phones, we counted to everyone paying attention to the time.
The first shooting at mass school will not take place until Columbine in 1999. My teens school building was unlocked all day, and I could run to give a forgotten lunch or a sports bag without detailed front office controls.
Most children can still wait to attend college without suppressing debt and being able to withstand shelter.
Life is different for my grandchildren
Here is the world, my grandchildren are sailing in the mid -2020s as they enter their teens, and it is a much different world than that of their parents’ teens.
They cannot imagine air trip or attend a concert or other public event without passing security.
In 2024, there were 83 school shots, and most of the school districts began active training of revolts in elementary schools. Even the little ones know where to hide. Today’s teens lived through Covid, who affected every aspect of their lives. My older grandchildren were out of school for a year and a half. Returning them to education within the classroom was a real challenge, and the effects of the pandemia will be extended for years.
My grandchildren have no memory of telephone lines. As they hope to get rolled phones in high school, many of their friends already own smartphones. This makes it easy to regulate travel at home, but also be victims of online attack.
Education and housing costs have increased greatly in recent years. College teaching has increased 141% in the last 20 years, and housing costs have mainly exceeded future adult revenue of young people (161% increase in home prices since 2005).
Here are my tips for growing adolescents, even today
Keep communication lines open. My teens stopped spontaneously to share their days, and I see that it also starts to happen with my grandchildren. There are many who do not understand, and admit that it is a good thing for children. They can be our guides; They are more likely to explain what is happening in their world if they know they will not be closed with criticism. And when they get those phones, the text is likely to become the main way they interact with us – as it is with their parents.
Do not react too much to dresses, hairstyles, tattoos and piercings. My teens experimented with drilling of different parts of the body, a rainbow of hair color and some tattoos. These are very benign forms of self-expression. Old arguments about their future careers do not resonate as they once did (in many areas, for example, tattooing is common, and if a matter is made, tattoos can always be covered or removed later.
Vital is vital to be honest for mental health, especially if there is a family history of mental illness. After growing up in a generation where these issues were largely hidden, I decided to be completely open to my bipolar disorder. My children know what to look at themselves and seek help when needed. My grandchildren will also know that. It is encouraging to see stigma about therapy and reducing medication.
Volunteer with your teens. I served many meals for homeless people and packing countless books for prisoners, along with my teens. I look forward to continuing the tradition as my grandchildren hit my teens. Encourage them to find a cause that inspires them and work for positive changes. Action is a powerful antidote for hope.
I am very happy to see that my grandchildren were growing really well. The big challenges are ahead, of course, but I am confident that we (children, their parents and yes, grandparents) can overcome them together.